Life does not give us what we deserve; life gives us what we claim. Claiming something is a proactive process that we have to engage in every single day. Weather you claim something small and meniscal or you claim something big enough to command the attention of a small country; make sure you firmly believe it with all your soul. Because in the end, if we truly don’t mean what we say; we might as well be republicans.

While I can’t claim to be the world’s foremost expert on relationships, I do know that I have learned a great deal in my life from personal experiences and from friends.

I’ve failed at relationships before, but that’s helped me become better at it. I’ve learned the deadly sins of relationships, and how to recognize them and avoid them.

• spend time alone together;
• appreciate each other;
• be intimate often;
• talk and share and give.

But just as important as what you should do is what you shouldn’t do — and I’m sure many of you have stepped into these pitfalls yourselves. I know I have. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and have learned to recognize when I’m making a fatal error, and how to correct it.

If you can avoid these seven things, and focus instead on doing the four things above, you should have a strong relationship. I’m not going to guarantee anything, but I’d give you good odds.

1. Resentment. This is a poison that starts as something small (”He didn’t call me back!”) and builds up into something big. Resentment is dangerous because it often flies under our radar, so that we don’t even notice we have the resentment, and our partner doesn’t realize that there’s anything wrong. If you ever notice yourself having resentment, you need to address this immediately, before it gets worse. Cut it off while it’s small. There are two good ways to deal with resentment: 1) breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all; none of us is perfect; or 2) talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you (not just for you); try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.
2. Jealousy. It’s hard to control jealousy if you feel it, I know. It seems to happen by itself, out of our control, unbidden and unwanted. However, jealousy, like resentment, is relationship poison. A little jealousy is fine, but when it gets to a certain level it turns into a need to control your partner, and turns into unnecessary fights, and makes both parties unhappy. If you have problems with jealousy (like I once did), instead of trying to control them it’s important that you examine and deal with the root issue, which is usually insecurity. That insecurity might be tied to your childhood (abandonment by a parent, for example), in a past relationship where you got hurt, or in an incident or incidents in the past of your current relationship.
3. Unrealistic expectations. Often we have an idea of what our partner should be like. We might expect them to clean up after themselves, to be considerate, to always think of us first, to surprise us, to support us, to always have a smile, to work hard and not be lazy. Not necessarily these expectations, but almost always we have expectations of our partner. Having some expectations is fine — we should expect our partner to be faithful, for example. But sometimes, without realizing it ourselves, we have expectations that are too high to meet. Our partner isn’t perfect — no one is. We can’t expect them to be cheerful and loving every minute of the day — everyone has their moods. We can’t expect them to always think of us, as they will obviously think of themselves or others sometimes too. We can’t expect them to be exactly as we are, as everyone is different. High expectations lead to disappointment and frustration, especially if we do not communicate these expectations. How can we expect our partner to meet these expectations if they don’t know about them? The remedy is to lower your expectations — allow your partner to be himself/herself, and accept and love them for that. What basic expectations we do have, we must communicate clearly.
4. Not making time. This is a problem with couples who have busy lives, but also with other couples who get caught up in work or hobbies or friends and family or other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. And while spending time together when you’re with friends and family is a good thing, it’s important that you have time alone together. Can’t find time with all the things you have going on — work and all the other stuff? Make time. Seriously — make the time. It can be done. I do it — I just make sure that this time with my significant other is a priority, and I’ll drop just about anything else to make the time. Drop a couple commitments, put off work for a day, and go on a date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive date — some time in nature, or exercising together, or watching a DVD and having a home-cooked dinner, are all good options. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together (That is crucial!).
5. Lack of communication. This sin affects all the others on this list — it’s been said many times before, but it’s true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. Communication doesn’t just mean talking or arguing — good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings — being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy — rather than criticizing. Communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems — communicate the good things too (see below for more).
6. Not showing gratitude. Sometimes there are no real problems in a relationship, such as resentment or jealousy or unrealistic expectations — but there is also no expression of the good things about your partner either. This lack of gratitude and appreciation is just as bad as the problems, because without it your partner will feel like he or she is being taken for granted. Every person wants to be appreciated for all they do. And while you might have some problems with what your partner does (see above), you should also realize that your partner does good things too. Does she cook you something you like? Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way.
7. Lack of affection. Similarly, everything else can be going right, including the expression of gratitude, but if there is no affection among partners then there is serious trouble. In effect, the relationship is drifting towards a platonic status. That might be better than many relationships that have serious problems, but it’s not a good thing. Affection is important –everyone needs some of it, especially from someone we love. Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often.
8. Bonus sin: Stubbornness. This wasn’t on my original list but I just thought about it before publishing this post, and had to add it in. Every relationship will have problems and arguments — but it’s important that you learn to work out these problems after cooling down a bit. Unfortunately, many of us are too stubborn to even talk about things. Perhaps we always want to be right. Perhaps we never want to admit that we made a mistake. Perhaps we don’t like to say we’re sorry. Perhaps we don’t like to compromise. I’ve done all of these things — but I’ve learned over the years that this is just childish. When I find myself being stubborn these days, I try to get over this childishness and suck it up and put away my ego and say I’m sorry. Talk about the problem and work it out. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to apologize. Then move past it to better things.

1. Coordinate! Shirts, jackets, shoes, etc should have a basic palette or theme.
2. Don’t be too loud. Have a primary color and supplementary colors. You don’t want all of your colors vying for attention. Having one main color makes it easier to accessorize.
3. Vary it up. Don’t wear the same colors everyday. People will wonder if you do your laundry.
4. Even if you love one piece of clothing (hoodie, hat, shoes) you shouldn’t wear it more than three times a week AT MOST! The more basic the layer (shirt/boxers) the less you should wear it.
5. You should rarely wear something just to wear it. If it is a shirt/jacket/hat that supports a cause, make it work. It will make that item more appealing and more people will be drawn to the cause. Making clothing look awkward pushes people away from its message.

This list is just a start, but should give you a variety of tips to start looking more put together. Good luck. Stay fresh.

Top 10 inches and bottom 10 inches should be perfect. This means you should have nice shoes, and polish them if necessary. Do not neglect this area. The top section should show off your strengths. If you can grow facial hair and pull it off, then do so. However this will either ruin your image or help it, and the line is very fine. So, when in doubt, shave it all off and look clean. Remember to actually brush your hair and style it if you like, but this isn’t the time to revert to childhood and spike it all up. At the same time this is an area where you can separate yourself from everyone else and do your hair different from the current norm of society.

From Faux Pas to Success

• If your dress pants are too long and they drag on the floor you need to hem them. If they are too short and your socks show, then you either need to shrink in size or buy new pants; I suggest the latter of the two for safety issues. Your dress pant cuff should stop just above the heel of your shoes. You should wear pants that fit. Your pants should sit on your waist and not on your hips. You are not a woman so there is no need to accentuate your hips.

• You should not wear shirts or sweaters that are too large. If you can swim inside of your shirt then its time to donate it to goodwill or throw it into the back of your closet until you gain more weight (not advised). Your shirts should fit well in the shoulder and the hemline should end where your shoulders do. Custom shirts are recommended but for the baller on a budget, I suggest fine retail establishments. You should know what those are, and if not, ask someone who dresses well.

• Frayed jean bottoms from the result of buying jeans for someone who is six inches taller than you, is never a good idea. This will cause the jeans to deteriorate and look trashy. If you want to look like those idiots from high school that still work at the grocery store, then by all means do not follow my suggestion; but remember social suicide is not going to help your self-esteem.

• Do not wear baggy jeans. Period. 1995 called, and they want their JNCO’s back. This style went out long ago and should never be revived. Stop trying to look like you can hide someone in there and get some jeans that fit you.

• Wear a belt - always. No exceptions. Your pants have belt loops for a reason, and they are not there to stick your fingers through when you are trying to look cool while your standing. Also you should never wear a brown belt with black pants or vise versa; unless of course you want to look like a fool. If so then by all means, go join the circus and wear big floppy shoes while you are at it. Further more, your belt should never be used to hold any number of gadgets. I do not care how cool or popular you think you are, it has never been a style to hold your phone, planner, calculator, et cetera on your belt. Tim the Toolman wore his tools on a tool belt. If your belt were meant to hold things it would be called a tool belt so stop trying. One last note about belts; if you wear one, do not wear suspenders. In fact if your pants have belt loops, don’t even wear suspenders.

• Wear shoes that match your belt color. This should be a cardinal rule of dress for men. Do not wear a black belt and brown shoes or vice versa. Pretty simple.

• Wear socks that match your pants. If you are wearing black pants, then you wear black socks; if you wear khaki pants then you wear brown socks. If you are wearing jeans with tennis shoes, then wear athletic socks. I recommend ankle socks if you are going to wear tennis shoes; it just looks better. This does not mean your socks have to be bland though. If you are wearing dress socks and don’t want the plain look, then wear some argyle socks that match your dress shirt.

• Under no circumstances should you ever wear a necktie with a polo shirt. I am just throwing this in here in case anyone thought it was a good idea. I have seen this done a few times and I have always looked at the person with disgust. Do not do this, ever!

• Turtlenecks have been out of style for as long as hickeys have been. If you want to look like your grandma then by all means, wear a turtleneck. They do not make your neck look shorter if that’s the look you are going for. If anything turtlenecks are just plain tacky and ugly.

• Dress pants should never come in the pleated variety, Ever! Flat front is the standard and has been for quite some time. If you want to look like your dad and his buddies who go golfing on Sundays, then wear pleated pants, but it is your social funeral that you will be attending.

• When you wear a suit coat you should make sure the cuff of the sleeves stops just short of the cuff of your shirt, to show a bit of it. Furthermore, you should always leave the bottom button of your suit coat unbuttoned. Never button more than three buttons on your suit jacket and buttoning one is just fine. When seated, all of your buttons should be loosened on the front of your suit coat unless it is double-breasted. When standing and walking the buttons should be attached.

• Your tie should never be a clip on. You left the days of clip on ties when you graduated from grammar school and these days you need to tie your tie. If you do not know how to then learn from a friend, dad, or the Internet. The bottom of your tie should stop at the top of your belt when you stand up strait. It should never fall bellow your belt and it should never rest above your belt. Also, unless you want to look like a creepy salesman or a Radio Shack employee, you should avoid any sort of design on your tie such as Santa Claus, palm trees, flags of any sort, or objects like keyboards or guitars.

• If you are wearing an undershirt, which sometimes you definitely should, then it should never be worn for anything other than an undershirt under your dress shirts. This is not an area to skimp on and buy the cheapest thinnest undershirt you can find. Get something that is good quality at a fine retail store. Also never use graphic t-shirts as undershirts especially when you are wearing a white or other light colored dress shirt. Everyone will see right through your dress shirt and see whatever graphic is under there.

• Iron your shirts and pants. You could be perfectly dressed, but if you show up in a wrinkled shirt and pants then you might as well have dressed like a 15 year old who is getting dragged to church by the ear of his mother.

In no particular order here, however I would equally weight them all. Avoid these things at all costs. I am sure many men can agree with me on these.

1. Smoking
Not only does this give you terrible breath, but you smell bad too. Women are not attractive if they smoke. Also it gives you ugly lip wrinkles…ewww.

2. Bad Kisser
If you cant kiss well by the time you are out of high school, then you did not learn all the essentials of that time period. I do not suggest going back either because jailbait is never a good option.

3. Short Hair
If I wanted to date a boy with short hair, I would be gay. Since I am not, then you had better damn well have some pretty long shinny groomed hair. (PS I prefer brunette)

4. Lip Gloss
If you expect to kiss me (and yes you do) then you had better damn well not wear lip gloss that lasts forever and a day. If I want to kiss you, I do not want you to worry if I am going to smear you lip gloss. Just do not wear it 24/7 okay.

5. UGGS!!!
These should be burned off of the feet of anyone who wears them. They are not fashionable and I do not care how comfy you think they are. They are hideous and it should be crime to even think of buying them.

1. Victoria Secret store where you awkwardly pick out a corset for your new girl.
2. At a speed dating event; just think, you can skip the small talk and get right to the yelling.
3. At a bar as you sit there alone and take shots of tequila as you drown in self-pity and she is entertained wildly by her new boy toy.
4. An elevator, as you both stand there in silence and pretend you don’t know each other.
5. The local porn shop, and you are caught with a copy of “Two girls and their chocolate treat”

1. Eye contact is one of the most important aspects when interacting with others, especially when you meet for the first time. Maintaining good eye contact shows respect and interest in what they have to say. Keep eye contact around 60-70% of the time. By doing this you won’t make people feel self conscious, like they’ve got some lunch left between their teeth or a sweat drop hanging from the nose. Instead, it will give them a feeling of comfort and genuine warmth in your company, any more eye contact than this and you can be too intense, any less and you give off a signal that you are lacking interest in them or their conversation. So pay attention the next time you walk up to a girl; your eye contact can allow you to flirt with her.
2. Posture is something everyone should be conscious of and should try to keep as much as possible. No one wants to be the hunchback, but no one wants to look like the pompous asshole that looks down his nose upon others. Get your posture right and you’ll automatically start feeling better, as it makes you feel good almost instantly. Next time you notice you’re feeling a bit down, take a look at how you’re standing or sitting. Chances are you’ll be slouched over with your shoulders drooping down and inward. This collapses the chest and inhibits good breathing, which in turn can help make you feel nervous or uncomfortable. Posture also directly translates into how women perceive your confidence. If you are slouched over and cowering in the corner of a party, chances are that you don’t have the confidence to initiate a conversation with anyone.
3. Head position is good to become familiar with. When you want to feel confident and self-assured keep your head level both horizontally and vertically. You can also use this straight head position when you want to be authoritative and what you’re saying to be taken seriously. Conversely, when you want to be friendly and in the listening, receptive mode, tilt your head just a little to one side or other. You can shift the tilt from left to right at different points in the conversation. This does not mean you have a one-way ticket to be awkward and tilt your head too much off to one side. It should look natural and not forced.
4. Arms give away the clues as to how open and receptive we are to everyone we meet and interact with, so keep your arms out to the side of your body. The best thing guys can do is to take your thumb and press it against your middle finger when you stand. This will allow you to feel as though you are doing something with your hands and the wont become restless and move all around your body in awkward positions. This shows you are not scared to take on whatever comes your way and you meet things “full frontal”. In general terms the more outgoing you are as a person, the more you tend to use your arms with big movements. The quieter you are the less you move your arms away from your body. So, try to strike a natural balance and keep your arm movements midway. When you want to come across in the best possible light, crossing the arms is a no, no in front of others. Obviously if someone says something that gets your goat, then by all means show your disapproval by crossing them.
5. Legs are the furthest point away from the brain, consequently they’re the hardest bits of our bodies to consciously control. They tend move around a lot more than normal when we are nervous, stressed or being deceptive. So best to keep them as still as possible in most situations, especially at interviews or work meetings. Be careful in the way you cross your legs. Do you cross at the knees, ankles or bring your leg up to rest on the knee of the other? This is more a question of comfort than anything else. Just be aware that the last position mentioned is known as the “Figure Four” and is generally perceived as the most defensive leg cross, especially if it happens as someone tells a you something that might be of a slightly dubious nature, or moments after. Try not to look awkward with leg crossing and maintain a natural position.
6. Angle of the body in relation to others gives an indication of our attitudes and feelings towards them. We angle toward people we find attractive, friendly and interesting and angle ourselves away from those we don’t. Yes it can be really that simple. Angles includes leaning in or away from people, as we often just tilt from the pelvis and lean sideways to someone to share a bit of conversation. For example, we are not in complete control of our angle at the movies because of the seating nor at a concert when we stand shoulder to shoulder and are packed in like sardines. In these situations we tend to lean over towards the other person. Pay attention to body angles especially when looking at other people. If you encounter a woman who is ageing away from you and keeping her distance then she is obviously not interested so stop trying so hard to get closer.
7. Hand gestures are so numerous it’s hard to give a brief guide but here goes. Palms slightly up and outward is seen as open and friendly. Palm down gestures are generally seen as dominant, emphasizing and possibly aggressive, especially when there is no movement or bending between the wrist and the forearm. This palm up, palm down is very important when it comes to handshaking and where appropriate we suggest you always offer a handshake upright and vertical, which should convey equality. One thing people should not do while sitting is to cross or lock their fingers together with one another. This is a sign of uneasiness and nervousness. Just be relaxed and retain a comfortable natural position.
8. Distance from others is crucial if you want to give off the right signals. Stand too close and you’ll be marked as “Pushy” or “In your face”. Stand or sit too far away and you’ll be “Keeping your distance” or “Stand offish”. Neither are what we want, so observe if in a group situation how close are all the other people to each other. Also notice if you move closer to someone and they back away, you’re probably just a tiny bit too much in their personal space, their comfort zone. “You’ve overstepped the mark” and should pull back a little. So if you step to a girl and she backs up, then that means you are either moving to fast, or she is disinterested. Figure out which one it is and act accordingly.
9. Ears, yes your ears play a vital role in communication with others, even though general terms most people can’t move them much, if at all. However, you’ve got two ears and only one mouth, so try to use them in that order. If you listen twice as much as you talk you come across as a good communicator who knows how to strike up a balanced a conversation without being me, me, me or the wallflower. So stop waiting for her to stop talking just so you can get your two cents in. Listen to what she says and think about it before talking.
10. Mouth movements can give away all sorts of clues. We purse our lips and sometimes twist them to the side when we’re thinking. Another occasion we might use this movement is to hold back an angry comment we don’t wish to reveal. Nevertheless, it will probably be spotted by other people and although they may not know the comment, they will get a feeling you were not too pleased. There are also different types of smiles and each gives off a corresponding feeling to its recipient. Remember she has a secret smile reserved only for that special someone and when you see it, you should be happy.

1. Stalk people you would like to meet prior to a party on Facebook. Then seek out and talk to people you have stalked and strike up a conversation about their recent status update. Then watch the look of sheer terror on their face as they walk away and call you a creeper.
2. Sit in the corner and talk to yourself. Drink by yourself and listen to your trendy iPod. Talk to yourself. Hell, throw high fives to your invisible friend who accompanies you. People may stare at you in pity, but really they think you are a creeper.
3. Stare at people across the party. I don’t mean stare at people in the I think you are cute and I am about to come talk to you way. I mean stare at people in the I want to take you home and tie you up and keep you all to myself kind of way. This will get you cast as the creeper.
4. Stand behind people at parties and pretend you know them. Laugh at their jokes until they notice you. Then tell them you already know everything about them because you stalked them online already.
5. Wear a leather jacket. This is the sure fire way to be the sleaziest of all creepers at parties. Wear that sweet bomber leather jacket your grandfather gave you. Yea you will look like a huge tool and people will pretend they do not know you.
6. Check girls out in the most obvious way you can. When they bend over to grab that beer pong ball that rolled to the ground, check their ass out and shout things like, “damn!” or “look at that!” or “I would hit it.” Also stare at girls chests and never look at their face especially when you first meet them. This will totally score you points in the creeper department.
7. Offer to walk/give ride home random drunk girls whom you never met. If you see a the college cutie whom you would like to hang out with, then you should offer her a ride home. Disregard the fact that you have never actually talked to her, even though you stare at the back of her head everyday in math class.
8. Do not shower before going to parties. If you smell really bad and maybe don’t comb your hair that would be key to obtaining the infamous creeper title. People who smell really bad and exhibit any of the above characteristics will totally be creepers.